Feeling defeated but not down

September seems to always be a rough month for me. I broke an ankle as a teenager in September, cracked scar tissue in it a few years later in September (which resulted in an emergency surgery), had an emergency appendectomy in September and almost died. Broken relationships seem to have a September theme as well.

Good things about September? The two jobs I've had that have changed me the most both started in September. My current one I just celebrated my one year a couple of weeks ago.

September is hard. September is full of changes. School starts back, new jobs start for graduates, the weather becomes even more temperamental (I live in Texas, the weather will go from 100+ to thunderstorms in seconds).

But I need to look at September in a new way. In a way that may bring changes, and new developments, new opportunities. I know part of my dilemma is that I have some health issues that are just completely disrupting my life.

I will continue to pray, and get back to my small group and church group. Pray to get my life back in order and for the guidance to do so.

I meant to publish this last week but a cold got the better of me so multi-tasking became my weakness. 

Prayer

Taken from: http://www.stacatholic.org/pray

This hasn't always been the easiest thing for me. There are days when I don't feel like I'm worthy of praying or talking to God. Like he won't listen to me because I've sinned too much. 

Some days, I find myself pausing to pray randomly throughout the day and night. Then some other days, I forget. That sounds horrible! How many times have you caught yourself forgetting to pray? 

Then there is everyone telling us that we should pray a certain way, or not ask God for things, or that we have to speak to God a certain way. From my understanding, from Bible verses, as well as studies I've read, God doesn't want us to treat him with this ultimate reverence and like a stranger. He doesn't want us to speak to him like someone we don't know. We should speak to God as our Father; with respect, yes, but with our heart and minds open.  With love and hope and happiness. 

When I pray, there is not much rhyme or reason. I thank God for things blessings I have received, and I end it thanking for Jesus. 

James 4:2 We have not because we ask not.

Psalm 145:18 The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without ceasing.

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Currently reading

As I've mentioned before, and is probably pretty obvious, I'm a bookworm. As such, I cannot read one book at a time exclusively. I flip back and forth much to everyone arounds chagrin. The question "what are you reading right now?" creates a hive like sensation and I have no idea how geeky or weird they are about to think I am when I can't give a straight answer. So, at the moment here are the books I'm reading.

You're Already Amazing by Holley Gerth. My favorite thing about her writing? Combination of Faith, personal experiences, and psychological research. Things the Psychology major, and research geek, love!

The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst is an interesting book so far. It's pretty new, so I haven't had a chance to finish but it mostly revolves around not spreading yourself too thin and knowing "When to say Yes."

I've been really interesting in exploring paths that make a difference, as well as books on leadership and motivation. Blake Mycoskie's Start Something that Matters is perfect for all of these reasons! It explores what motivated him to start TOMS, and his entrepreneurship.

I love to read and welcome book suggestions! I read pretty much anything so let me know!





Here are some other places to find me online:

petitetexasmama.blogspot.com
A blog that's mostly Health/Wellness related.

twitter.com/christie17

instagram.com/christie177

Faith Friday

Sometimes I need some gentle reminders (ahem, hard shoves), to remind me of the work God can do through me and that I should allow.

Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that I need to be open, and open up, to others. It's difficult because I can be such a recluse. 

God is always working in us. I need to remember that there is a master plan, I don't to always know everything in advance! (Seriously, I look up movie spoilers, I'm THAT person).

I'm sure I do this. I don't take opportunities that I should take and wind up feeling guilty and mad at myself for ignoring the clear vision being given to me. 

God goes through every trial and joy with us. I need to remember that.

Things I'm learning on this Journey

God gives us people for a reason.

We need fellowship.

We need prayer.

We need support, both his and other Christians.

We should be open to new ideas.

We should learn the Bible in our own way, through various interpretations.

We need prayer partners.

We need earthly partners.

We need Him.

We need life.

We need love.

We need hope.

We need light.

We need his mercy.

His grace.

His forgiveness.

Chasing God

"When we spend more of our time searching for assurance than we do acting out of belief, we are chasing God" -Angie Smith, Chasing God

I have read all of Angie Smith's book. I started reading her blog when it only had a few pages and had a different URL. I own three copies of What Women Fear (one was a double order, and it is about to be given out as a gift). The first copy I purchased when I wasn't working but knew I needed to hear what she had to say. I love it. It is dog eared, stained due to an adorable little boy who sometimes knocked things down when he was little, and well loved.

Her latest book, Chasing God was great as well! I own this one in both a physical copy that I pre-ordered, which is how I ended up with the second copy of What Women Fear, and purchased it for Kindle as well. I'm one of those people who isn't big on writing in my books. Blame that on being raised by teachers, so I enjoy Kindle versions of books so that I can highlight things and go back to passages with ease.

This book really hit home in many ways. She's very candid with her life (mentioning embarrassing childhood tales and awkward ways she tried to fit in with what she seemed to believe were the perfect Christian) without sounding fake. I relate so much to a lot of what she says, having grown up around some very Christian people but not always knowing where I fit in. 

A couple of quotes I loved from Chasing God:

"Why does prayer matter so much to God? Because relationship matters to God. Prayer is one of the fundamental ways"

The one below may have been the one that weighed on my heart the most. You always hear people say "God wouldn't give you more than you can handle" and while this may be true, it never states that in His word.

"The notion that our Abba Father would dispense injury based on our ability to “carry it” is injurious to our relationship with Him and casts light wrongly on our human capacity instead of His generous dispensation of grace."

Cleansing

Courtesy of Ann Voskamp

This is something that occurred to me earlier this evening. I'm one of those people who dislikes taking baths. I think it's gross. I am a pretty high strung person and have been told on countless occasions that maybe a bath would help me calm down.

Having been feeling a bit under the weather both physically and mentally, I decided to use this Lush bath bomb I bought a few weeks ago, take a book, and take a bath. Specifically, this one, called Sakura. I filled the tub with almost hot water, dunked the fizz tablet in, and got in with a book.

I put the book away after a few minutes, and started scrubbing with a pumice stone. As I did this, prayers just started coming out in full force. I put the stone down, relaxed into the water, and kept praying, and speaking to God. It was powerful. It was beautiful. It was full of release. I felt like a great weight had been lifted in that feeling of tranquility and vulnerability. It felt like scrubbing away the skin was also scrubbing away my sins as I cried and prayed asked for forgiveness, strength, guidance, love, hope.

A simple act renewed me. It made me feel a sense of peace and release that's hard to explain unless you've experienced it yourself. It feel like being cleaned, purified. I hadn't realized until tonight how much weight I was holding on myself.

borntomakeanimpact.tumblr.com

sugardoodle.net

Sometimes physical, emotional, spiritual cleansing occurring at the same time can be an amazing God given gift that we need. Maybe this works of me and not others, but I feel blessed.

The words repent/repentance, are mentioned over 100 times in the Bible. There are varying definitions of what repentance means, which is why I love the Amplified version that shows what different translations give as the meaning of a certain verse/word.
From the Amplified version: "So repent (change your mind and purpose); turn around and return [to God], that our sins may be erased (blotted out, wiped clean), that times of refreshing (of recovering from the effects of heat, or reviving with fresh air) may com from the presence of the Lord;" Acts 3:19
If we [freely] admint that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action]. 1 John 1:9